What am I thinking?

One thing…

Am I living my most true life?

This thought has been inspired by a few different things.

1) I have been involved in “the courageous year” course.  it is helping me challenge the limited way I have been viewing life.  you know, like i’m trapped.  part of me has been feeling like things happen to me and I have no choice in the matter.  that is an illusion. we all have choices.  you have to make them though.  consistently and not just when you “feel like it”.

2) I watch this show called “The Buried Life”, it is on MTV (yea, I know, MTV sucks major ass but trust me, it’s a great show.)  You have these four boys: Ben, Jonnie, Dave, and Duncan, each week they reveal to you another piece of their journey where they are trying to accomplish crossing a task off their ‘bucket list’.  The real gem of this whole thing though, is they ask a person “what is one thing you want to do before you die?” Then they help that person accomplish it.  I can’t explain it but this show brings up some intense feelings in my heart.  Like, why am I sitting here watching a show like this when I could be taking my own adventure.  Peeps, I was built for adventure. Always known that about me and yet, because I have listened to the peeps around me I didn’t trust that.  It was like I felt wrong for being interested in forging my own path.  I should want to have that steady job & live “right”.  I’m questioning that belief.

3) No more victim.  No more drama. No more hiding.  Seriously, time for that old life to be shed.  I can’t live there.  It might make zero sense to you if you have just entered my bloggy world * that is ok.  I know what I mean.  This is about MY journey.  MY heart.  MY truth.

4) Feel the fear, and keep to steppin‘.  My version of Kate’s words in her ebook: (“Courage is feeling the fear, and doing it anyway, transforming”).

5)  None of these thoughts are ‘new’; this is me on my path.  I used to think you got “fixed” and all would be well.  Now I think it is more like a marathon.  You have this long road ahead of you & it takes all the tools in your nap sack to make it to the finish line.  Lots of steps along the way.  Different stages.  New challenges. Peeps to help.   Exploring feelings.  A water station. Listening to music. Basking in your endurance. ‘Hitting the wall’. Snack bars for your belly.  Pushing through.  Life is like that.  At least that is what I think right now.  A process.

Thanks for listening.