*SERIES* “Love & A Photo”: Christine & Marcy

Name

Christine and Marcy — Though Christine calls Marcy “Frog,” a name her grandfather gave her when she was two, and Marcy calls Christine “Monkey,” because she is, well, a lot like a monkey — a bit loud and jumpy around and when she is mad…watch out! 

Age

Christine is 40 and Marcy is 38

Lifes’ Work

Christine: For a long time, my own health has been my life’s work (as well as Marcy’s, sadly!).  I had a traumatic and frightening childhood and only at the age of 32 was I finally able to create the boundaries that I so desperately needed.  Since then, it’s been much more downhill in the WEEEEEE! kind of way.  I have known since I was very small that I was meant for a life of dancing and writing, and thankfully, I am now fully on my way to that.

Marcy:  It’s hard for me to answer this separately from Christine.  Our life’s work is our LIFE.  Like my blog banner says — art and mammals, every day!  Since we’ve met each other, we are constantly striving to create a life that is totally intertwined.  We do our best — emotionally, spiritually, and vocationally — the more we are together.  We are not one of those couples who needs time apart — actually that makes us grouchy.

What city do you live in?

We live in Erie, Pennsylvania, a small city on the edge of Lake Erie, kinda between Cleveland and Buffalo.  We graduated from the same small high school but did not know each other.

How long have you been together?

15 years this October.  (“Never long enough,” piped in the Frog.)

How & where did you meet?

We were both graduate students in the M.A. program in English at Gannon University.

Marcy:  When I first saw Christine, I thought “oh! look at that bitchy thing…so CUTE!  I want it!”

Christine:  That is totally what happened.  I WAS a bitchy thing.  That’s what happens when you’re totally sad and Frog-less.

What was your first impression?

Marcy:  See above!  But seriously, I thought Christine had the saddest eyes I had ever seen — sorta vacuous — but I could see sunshine deep inside, wanting to come out.  Makes me wanna cry thinking about it.  And now — SUN is COMING OUT!  We’ve had to work for that.

Christine:  Yep.  Really hard.  But it’s been totally worth it.  When I met Marcy, I was obviously self-aware enough to know she was the one, loving person who could really help me heal.  And I knew immediately that she was the kindest, sweetest person I’d ever met.  And wise.

Describe your first date.

Christine:  We can’t really agree whether it was a beer or a play but maybe it was both.

Marcy:  Maybe it was a drunken play!

Christine:  (Sighs)  I was married at the time and Marcy was a home wrecker!  (We are laughing very hard as we write this.)  Obviously it was a home that needed wracking (and my ex is happily married with lots of kids).  So for me, I knew it was a date, but I also didn’t know it was a date.  It’s hard to explain.

Marcy:  I didn’t think she could really like me.  I knew she was married, so I saw her as off limits though I didn’t want her to be.  By the time she was telling me I had the cutest teeth, I knew I had an in.  Mostly what I remember is being really, really nervous.   I could barely talk to Christine on the phone, but then she is kinda intense.

Tell me about the most funny thing your partner ever did to “impress” you.

Christine:  I don’t feel like we’ve ever been this kind of couple.  I used to think, having limited experience, that it was because we were a lesbian couple that we just immediately clicked in this very deep way and have always just been utterly honest.  Also, we find each other endlessly fascinating and are never ever bored.  But now I know differently.  A few friends — hetero and other — have told us it has nothing to do with our gender but just that we are who we are — and that is extremely well matched.

Marcy:  I did used to do that one thing to make you laugh!  I would put eyeballs on my chin and hang upside down and sing — covering my face with a handkerchief!  You know — so the mouth is working upside down!

Christine:  I am belly laughing just remembering that.  It used to make me click in my throat because I would laugh so hard.

Marcy:  She was so sad; I would do anything to make her laugh.

When did you know it was love?

Christine:  Pretty much right away.  I, um, left my husband, like, two weeks later.  But that has to do with my honesty thing, too — I wasn’t going to stick around lying.  Rip off the band aid and all that!

Marcy:  That’s a hard question for me to answer.  I don’t ever remember thinking it wasn’t love.

Are you guys more of “perfect twins” or “opposite attracts”?

Christine:  We’re both.  We’re opposites in that I’m an introvert and Frog is an extrovert.  She needs a bit more socializing than me.  I’m also really empathic and emotional — like BIG emotions — and she has a tendency to be veiled.

Marcy:  And then we’re also twins.  We tease that we can’t tell each other apart from each other.  We think alike, we love the same things, and we often feel the same about things — but then we often don’t.  Oh, dear, this is confusing me.  Us.  I mean, me.  Whatever.

Retell the coolest travel adventure that you have taken together.

Christine:  When I first read this, I was like “What!?”  Because I’m not the best traveler, to say the least, but then I remembered that early on, I was obsessed with moving so we traveled to check places out.

Marcy:  I don’t remember those as being good adventures, really.

Christine:  No.  Because I don’t travel well — like I said.

Marcy:  You would get angry because you were almost peeing your pants and there’d be no rest stop!

Christine:  HOW can there be no rest stop for like two hours!?!?

Marcy:  And then we’d see road kill and it would make me cry and we’d have to pull over so you could soothe me.

Christine:  Okay.  Make that, NEITHER one of us travels well.

Marcy:  We do however enjoy traveling to our backyard.

Christine:  And well, we like going to Chicago for big art exhibits.  Right?

Marcy:  Yeah.  But mainly we like to sit in the yard and PLAN trips.  That we’ll never take because you’re too grouchy and I get overwhelmed.

Christine:  Yep.

How do you share your creativity/gifts with the world?

Christine:  Just recently I decided to take my Blisschick work much more seriously, so I am hoping that that develops along the lines that I am thinking.  But obviously, I write and take photos and am venturing into yoga and dance more deeply and I’ve done a lot of creative writing teaching for adults.

Marcy:  I’ve been painting for about nine years now.  Wow.  Nine years.  Christine told me I should paint the second she saw the doodles I would make in class.  But it took a while for me to take that seriously.  And just in the last year, I started really writing again.  I say again, because I tried in grad school but got caught in theory and all that crap.

What was your first disagreement about?

Christine:  What?  That was a LONG time ago.

Marcy:  I think I remember. We were in a parking garage or something and Christine said something like “I wish people weren’t so fucking stupid…” and I was defending “people” and thinking “God! I DO have a lot of work to do.”

Christine:  But that’s what I was like then.  Not to say, I don’t ever say that anymore, but that’s just really representative of how sad I was.  I was so sad that I was angry.

What do you do after a ‘fight’?

Christine:  As we go along, this happens less and less.  We get better and better at watching our own reactions and trying not to react out of past experience.

Marcy:  Yeah.  We are getting better at “discussing” and “negotiating.”

Christine:  I came from a loud and violent family that fought to the extreme of abuse.

Marcy:  And I came from a severely repressed family that didn’t express any emotions, really, but especially the ones they would think of as “bad.”

Christine: So we’ve worked really hard to find a middle ground — where arguing does NOT turn into fighting but where we are still individuals with feelings that can sometimes be big and difficult.

Marcy:  After a fight, we tend to order pizza.

Have you faced any adversity? If so, and you care to share- what…

Christine:  That is a GIANT question.  If we hadn’t, we’d still be at the very beginning of our relationship, but recently, it’s been death.

Marcy:  Yes.  Death brings up so much “old stuff.”  That’s what we’ve been learning.

Describe your love journey in 3 words.

Christine:  Surprising.  Giggling.  Creative.

Marcy:  Fun.  Challenging.  Rewarding.

For the marrieds, how has life changed since you got hitched?

Christine: Well, as we all know, Marcy and I can’t be married, and this is a weird thing for me.  I’m not always certain I need that kind of social validation but I wouldn’t mind the insurance!  HA!

Marcy:  Why buy the cow when you’ve been gettin’ the milk for free!?

Christine:  Mama warned ya!

To see more of their creative pursuits & inspired writing you can find them at their blogs:

Marcy at Ordinary Enchantment & Christine at BlissChick.

If you want more info about or to sign up for the Love & A Photo Project go here: Love & A Photo: A Glance