Jealousy, does it have your back?
by Melly on August 21, 2009
in my thoughts on stuff
My sweet bloggy pal Darrah wrote a post about jealousy, you can read it here.
I was going to write a comment and then I decided that this deserved a WHOLE post. It is a complicated topic & one that most people keep pretty hush-hush.
After all if you are an enlightened being & artsy goddess surely you wouldn’t be jealous, right?
From the few posts I have read. It is real. There is no denying it can be irksome for your peace of mind but where does it come from?
is it all bad?
Can jealousy be a GOOD thing?
Now I look back on some of my more recent experiences with jealousy, once I strip away the initial reaction of “oh, that’s not fair” or “why don’t those things happen to me”, I believe it comes down to my heart trying to stir me awake. If I have hit blandom-ville with a one way pass to couch potato road maybe I need that wake up call.
Perhaps, the heart knows me better than I know myself.
In both cases the “jealousy” got me thinking about what I thought I was lacking, in one case I really didn’t want it, just seemed like a good thing since I want to be that “cool kid” (honestly though it would drive me nuts if I had to cater to peeps; been there trying to get away from that).
The other was more sincere. I looked at it. What was I “jealous” of?
I will share pretty openly since otherwise it will make no sense. I have a friend that is wonderful at encouraging, inspiring, art, videos, the works….everything she does people love, not only that it IS good! She is a rockstar. Occasionally, I get jealous. I thought it was of HER. Folks, it isn’t. It is 3 things:
1) It is the picture in my mind of what it is like. The reality, often still beautiful & complex & groovy is VERY different from what I fantasized. I know this now because I have seen behind the curtain.
2) My longings want to be acknowledge & they will use the means it takes to do it. They don’t like playing second fiddle to my being scared or wanting to play it safe.
3) I have said this a lot here because I (and other peeps) need to hear it, the world needs your voice, saying what YOU have to say in only the way YOU can say it.
So do I think jealousy is the evil enemy it gets made out to be. NO. I think it’s like any other emotion, a wake-up call to explore deeper & listen.
Rockstar moment: I like what Darrah said about “jealousy” getting her to finally decide she was going to Artfest 2010. YAY! Score one for her going into a fun adventure & following her heart. It takes courage and I admire that. She is walking the talk.
For me, it has been working on my sparkle notes, putting my lovely artsy creations out into the world. Imperfectly & in only the way I can.
What will you do today to release “jealousy” and embrace YOU?
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Oh, Melly! Doesn’t it feel good to put it out there for all the world to see? I mean, yes, it’s scary to share these emotions that we usually keep to ourselves. But I feel like sharing these more personal emotions is a way of holding a magnifying glass up to what’s REALLY going on. When I started writing my post about jealousy, I had no intention of doing anything about it. But by the time I got to the end, I realized something had to be done – or else I would continue being the kid that wishes she could go out and play. And by golly, I want to play!
I applaud you for putting it out there. Rock on with your bad self!
I could have written … about half of this. Jealousy’s such an uncomfortable emotion, but I just learned a lot from both Darrah and you. For me, jealousy says it’s time to stop living vicariously and to start living actively, to stop dreaming and to start doing, to stop wishing and start working.
Thanks for the enlightenment.
It’s amazing how similar some of our stories have been of late – there’s a whole tribe of us out here in cyber-land going on the same journey and we seem to be hitting all the same bumps on the road. Jealousy? Check. Fear? Check. Disappointment? Check. Exhilaration? Check. Resolve? Check.
Glad we’re in this together.
I just wrote on Darrah’s post that I’ve been working with Christine Kane with what she calls the “Envy Treasure Map.” It’s such a powerful tool! I’ve realized, and your post helped me to clarify it, that yeah, it’s all about me… hee hee…. I mean, not in a narcissistic way, but in a geeky way, like I’m a nerd and I have the impression that no one wants to “hang” with me. Ridiculous as that is, I’ve also been to recognize when I’m wanting to “be like someone” (to fit in), and when I truly resonate with what they’re doing and want that for myself, which enables me to step into my own light and act from my own authentic place….
Sorry for babbling… it’s just such an interesting topic!
I agree…jealousy points you in directions you want to be going. Because, think about it–there is so much out there that you could be jealous of…but you’re not. Like, there are people that win awards for being accountants and making a mean year of crunching numbers happen…do you get jealous over that guy who wins that award? Probrably not. Do you walk into McDonalds and wish your face was behind the frame that says employee of the month? Doubt it!! (But I bet there’s people that do!) Jealousy is our mean cousin that says stuff about us, that is kind of in code, but is what we need to hear.
Does that make sense?
Forget all this…I’m not sure I know what I’m talking about!! I’m still jealous that Darrah is going to ArtFest–and I’m not!!
Peace & Love.
darrah- yes, it does feel good to shared from the heart! i’m always amazed at how freeing it is. usually i feel a little anxious being so open. Then come to find out, other peeps have similar thoughts or challenges!
linnea- i like this “jealousy says it’s time to stop living vicariously and to start living actively”. so true.
heather- that’s a totally cool thing: being there for each other in the “tricky bits”. i find that very interesting that many of the bloggy circle is being challenged in some similar ways.
lisa- i have the uplevel course too! i haven’t worked the envy treasure map. when i was writing this post & listening to my heart about the real crux of the matter, it came down to me wanting to bring my own shine into the mix MORE THAN being jealous of a person/thing. most people just want to beat themselves up for being jealous instead of exploring the “why”?
connie- it makes total sense, chickie! never know what will go down in the future. you just may find yourself at artfest!
I loved this. I think you’re absolutely right. Next time I find myself being jealous, I will use it as motivation.
Thank you for inspiration, in so many ways.