confession

i am lying on my bed writing this blog.
(if i used the wrong form of lay don’t tell
me because it is too late!)
it has come to my attention as i was doing my spring cleaning
just how much i live for others approval.
right down to keeping things i don’t like
in order to not be “judged” by others.

~~~(long story short, when i give stuff away…without
fail i will hear how i don’t really appreciate what i am given
or that i can’t hold onto anything…blah blah blah-
i know, their stuff not mine)~~~

i will even be known to project ideas and thoughts
that they might not even be having.
i call it
“melly’s mind reading trick.”
most of the time though,
it isn’t right and only serves to tie my insides into knots.
it also hampers real communication and authenticity.
both of which, i am learning just what they mean.
the real deal. scary AND COOL!

who knew that sometimes there would be moments
where the very thing that was binding you, is YOU.
not the other person. that person can think whatever they
want. it doesn’t mean the result is me bending and twisting
myself into a people pleasing pretzel.

without getting too introspective…i’m in charge of my own stuff.
how I react. how I behave. how I move through this world.
i long to do it with love, grace, magic, courage, and
real self acceptance.

the fun part is that is reveals itself in moments that
i would not expect.

my magic moment for the day:

re-hanging my beauty fabulous paintings/artwork from various
bloggy pals. i look at their creations for me
and smile.
the colors make me happy.
i like seeing the paint dance on the canvas.
swirly goodness.
words of love.
magical spirit rocks with words to inspire,
the heart of the creator has blessed my world.
i’m over the moon about it.

can’t wait to collect more.