jetski 101 and other musings

while on my latest adventure in the world of movies, i had the great opportunity to ride on a jetski.
for the first time ever, mind you.

IT WAS KICK ASS GOODNESS! Made me want to own one although that would be entirely impractical since the nearest body of water is more than a few hours away. (and that lake has been known to be a dumping ground for all sorts of things, so i am not too stoked to swim or boat on it!)

I would like to share a few lessons from the jetski:

** speed is fun but you have to know when to slow down. i learned that i like to go fast and that sometimes i don’t know exactly when to apply the breaks. the knowing is important otherwise you can end up in the water. (I didn’t but very very close at one point when i hit a wake that a boat kicked up). After a few minutes though i got the point of this magical contraption. Speed and caution go hand and hand. know the difference.

** nothing beats the feeling of being on the water with the wind in your hair. i think if i had a super power it would be the ability to fly. it is what i imagine complete FREEDOM to feel like.

**sharing is important. i rented the jetski for 4 hours and the other peeps all got a spin if they wanted to. doing new things is fun when others join in.

**i felt insecure off and on through out the week (can’t go into it on my blog but it wasn’t pretty-trust me when i say i truly am a work in progress however, i understand that i need to accept and love the imperfect bits. i just wish those bits weren’t so stinkin’ challenging. they like to come out and play mostly when it is not the least bit convenient) and yet when i was on that jetski, i just didn’t care. i thought very little about how i looked or if people thought i was a good costumer or how will i keep up with the likes of people who know so much more than me. that is an amazing thing.

**i like speed.

**i need to take more chances and try more things, imperfectly. not the “safe” risks. although i am a firm believer that there is nothing wrong with safe. you need both.

**it is good to be vulnerable. you NEVER lose. it is a win win proposition even if it is not rewarded with reciprocation. not every person will honor your open heart. doesn’t matter. do it anyway- keep your heart open, it will lead you to know when it is wise to do so.

**i desperately want to get more clear about my desires. specifically with my work. the film thing. choosing wisely and with not just money or my resume in mind. i choose to move into an active journey of releasing.

my releasing party started yesterday. it will continue for the next 7 days ( i know that it takes way longer and is more of a process, this is me starting). i will be decluttering, letting go, and simplifying
different areas of my life.

First up, the physical part: possessions, my world is full of clutter. So I will be going though item by item. Selling (on ebay or auction), donating, or trashing the things that do not serve a real purpose or bring me joy.

Welcome to the party!

this is the way i ‘roll’

what is a blog?
what is it meant to do?

for some, it is a place to sell products. others inform. some share. some create. it seems like they are as vast as the personalities that write them.

i have been doing a lot of reading and hearing advice on how to write a blog that gets more traffic. at first that sounds very appealing to me. an ego rub. who doesn’t love that idea.

at the end of the day though, this blog is a way that i share my heart with the world. in a way that comes a little more easily everyday. you see, i am shy. quiet and reserved but that doesn’t mask guile. it is because well i am super-duper self conscious.

so today i want to just share a few ways i found that moved me out of that realm a bit. if i can do it anyone can.

try some of these when you feel less than stellar (i’m no expert just a gal who tries things and sees what helps):

CONNECT

for goodness sakes, do not just isolate yourself and dwell on the things that are bothering you.
call a friend.
give a dog a smooch.
eat an ice cream cone on the beach.
hug a child.
talk to birds ( i did this one the other day just don’t expect them to talk back).
be kind to a stranger (my personal fave).
make a card for someone in hospice.
there are so many things you can do. look inside your heart. take a deep breath and ask yourself “what do i really need in this moment?” i promise that if you listen you will hear what you need. it works. *for those super serious types be prepared to maybe hear something wacky. Just try it. Even if your heart says “call a friend and ask them to eat caramels”. you never know what will open up.

READ

a few days ago, i was feeling a bit overwhelmed and couldn’t put my finger on why. it was this general sense of unease. i have had a ton of things on my mind- i’m an overthinker and feeler, learning how to let it help me instead of send me into what i call my ‘melly spirals’- so what did i do? i went to my bookshelf and pulled out a book i like a whole, whole bunch and just began to read it. i’m not saying that the world becomes rainbows and lollipops but in the action of reading (and i think out loud is best!) there is a ‘rest’ that happens. the best way to describe it is that my body calmed down and my soul melted into the words on the page. it suddenly wasn’t as important if i knew where my next job would come from or whether people liked me or not. simply enjoying taking a ride with the author. experiencing their journey for even a few minutes.

NATURE

I’ll keep this one short and sweet, it works 100% of the time. If you feel grumbly…run, don’t just walk…outside. touch the earth. look at all the beauty around you whether it be the clouds, beach, mountains, trees, birds (for someone who has a fear of birds i talk about them alot!). it is an amazing world. embrace it.

TALK OR WRITE *whatever you connect to the most

It helps to get the stuff out of your head. ‘Nuff said.

TAKE CARE OF YOU

the world we live in seems to really dislike looking after your well-being. making sure you eat properly. taking care of your body. pampering yourself. resting when you get tired. working efficient. it is all about moving faster and faster until you can barely retain anything that isn’t a 5 second sound bite. my little nugget , i am putting into practice in small snippets (‘baby steps’), my well being is the core. if i am rested, well fed, nurtured, relaxed, and aware i can face challenges with more grace and love. it isn’t just about me reacting. it is me being proactive. my life.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT

for all the perfectionists out there (me,me). it is ok to want to bring your very best out. try not to let it take charge. notice what part of you is feeling that you have to be perfect and acknowledge it. sometimes there is a good reason why you think you can’t make mistakes and listening will show you where more self-love is needed.

**please know that when i share these few things it does not come from a place of thinking i have my shit together because..if you have read this blog for any length of time, you know that i am on a journey. not to be confused with any sort of guru.
just me. laying it out there.

LATE BREAKING NEWS:

leaving for Lake Havasu on saturday. working on a movie about killer fish. whooohooo!

if you are part of my newsletter you will get some inside scoop on the project. otherwise, nope. don’t share that stuff public.

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Melly’s Musings: a newsletter

i have many exciting things in the works.
hush-hush. secret agent stuff.
it makes me giggly just thinking about it.

(and i am so not a giggler, well maybe a little) *wink*

can’t tell you yet because
i am still doing some fine tuning.
be patient.

here is a hint:
i want fun.
i want real.
i want to connect.
i want to bring you useful stuff.
i want to share ideas (mingling).
i want YOU to be a part of it.

so sign up for the newsletter
and let’s go on this journey together.

confession

i am lying on my bed writing this blog.
(if i used the wrong form of lay don’t tell
me because it is too late!)
it has come to my attention as i was doing my spring cleaning
just how much i live for others approval.
right down to keeping things i don’t like
in order to not be “judged” by others.

~~~(long story short, when i give stuff away…without
fail i will hear how i don’t really appreciate what i am given
or that i can’t hold onto anything…blah blah blah-
i know, their stuff not mine)~~~

i will even be known to project ideas and thoughts
that they might not even be having.
i call it
“melly’s mind reading trick.”
most of the time though,
it isn’t right and only serves to tie my insides into knots.
it also hampers real communication and authenticity.
both of which, i am learning just what they mean.
the real deal. scary AND COOL!

who knew that sometimes there would be moments
where the very thing that was binding you, is YOU.
not the other person. that person can think whatever they
want. it doesn’t mean the result is me bending and twisting
myself into a people pleasing pretzel.

without getting too introspective…i’m in charge of my own stuff.
how I react. how I behave. how I move through this world.
i long to do it with love, grace, magic, courage, and
real self acceptance.

the fun part is that is reveals itself in moments that
i would not expect.

my magic moment for the day:

re-hanging my beauty fabulous paintings/artwork from various
bloggy pals. i look at their creations for me
and smile.
the colors make me happy.
i like seeing the paint dance on the canvas.
swirly goodness.
words of love.
magical spirit rocks with words to inspire,
the heart of the creator has blessed my world.
i’m over the moon about it.

can’t wait to collect more.

realizing this…

because i am often moving, i tend to keep my
“life” pretty contained. recently though,
it has come to my attention that i have hoarded stuff
that i haven’t used or needed for at least a year.
so it is time,
to unload some of it.
to make room for new and good things.

a spring cleaning.

now i am not talking about special art or treasures
but you know the stuff:
hotel shampoos,
trial size of this an that,
makeup,
clothes i don’t wear,
books that sit on the shelf, unread.

in my mind, it is all about me trying to keep up with
the joneses.

I have always felt my best when i keep things
simple and clutter free.
very zen- like way of approaching things.

however through friends and family, i have heard messages
like “adults have possessions”, “adults have a house”, “adults
have kids”, “adults buy a new car every few years”.
and without knowing it, in some ways i found myself trying
to fit into that mold.
instead of trusting that i have my path.
and they have theirs.
and neither one is MORE RIGHT.
just different.
and beautiful.

we need all kinds of paths to walk.

i am in the midst of a spring cleaning as
i listen to james brown.
loving it.

ps also helping my Gabs with her stuff too!
seems like she is in the mood to “lighten”
her load as well.

a poem by the highway

there is a feeling.
dark and twisted,
clawing…
working its way toward the light,
grasping, trying to hold on,
unable.

there is release.
stretching,
facing the truth.
searching for freedom.
unsure of what it looks like
but seeking anyways.
it is not far.

funny how life picks for you.

last year sparked a big change for me.
i started
dealt with depression,
read blogs,
met a life coach (very magically mind you),
created art,
started a new path in my work,
had a few epiphanies,
and some bumps.
it was definitely a year of GROWTH.

this year the word MAGIC picked me.
i had this assumption that it would look a certain way.
that i would walk down the street and birds would
chirp and sing around me.
you know, that things would glow with “MAGIC”.

instead it was in the little things.

for example, i believe the universe gave me what i needed:
i get a job, it is working on a lifetime miniseries
only this time instead of dressing background actors (which is safe)…
my boss wants me to take on some principals.
i’m scared to pieces.
why? …
because i didn’t think i could do it.
no, strike that, i knew i could but i was afraid of making mistakes.
(and boy did i, more on that someday.maybe).
needless to say, when it came to splitting them up (me and my set partner) they got picked for me…little did i know that the universe
conspired. I got 6 main people and some of the day players.
the actors i got were funny, generous, kind, and completely “right for me”.

I got the peeps i was meant to have.

They took it easy on the “new girl”.
They were patient when i overcompensated.
They were kind if i forgot things or just plain didn’t know.
They had a sense of humor (there is nothing better)!
They showed grace to me when i didn’t.
They were real AND FUN.

And for that, I am grateful. I learned. I was harder on myself then they were. That helped me to take myself a little less seriously.
A LITTLE.

I have this feeling that my work even though i try to keep it separate from my “real life”..is really teaching me lessons i need to know.

How cool is that?

How does you work teach you?

xo
melly

this blows

i had a friend/co-worker ask me to
help out doing something today by saying
“you’re single and don’t have a life or family, therefore
you are more able to do it.”

now lately i have been sort of isolated and yes, i don’t
have a husband or kids…but in no way does that mean
i don’t have a life or want to make some magic
happen. creating new adventures. making friends.

it stings every time she says it.

the key is, to hear and not take it in and
understand that it is not personal….

rest

taking a few days to rest my weary self.
in a quiet place. sleeping.
tomorrow i get packed up.
then on to another phase.
the journey of a freelance set costumer.
AND artist.
i’m learning just what that means.

my biggest challenge is to understand
and move into an area where my life is
interconnected.
not just fragmented pieces that seems to
have no connection to one another.

time and lessons….

xo to me.
giving myself permission.

on wednesday i am attending the premiere of
500 days of summer at the phoenix film festival.
can’t wait!!

what do you hear?

i am reminded why i love tv and movies
for the moments, when i watch a scene
and hear/see something that stirs
that feeling of “oh yeah” in me.
i am reminded of who i really am.
i am reminded of possibility.
so it is not the show but the MAGIC

today it is all about this from friday Night lights (tv show):

“Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can’t stop wanting. I want to fly somewhere in first class. I want to travel to Europe on a business trip. I want to get invited to the White House. I want to learn about the world. I want to surprise myself. I want to be important. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to define myself instead of having others to define me. I want to win and have people be happy for me. I want to lose and get over it. I want to not be afraid of the unknown. I want to grow up to be generous and bighearted the way that people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It’s not that I think I’m going to get all these things, I just want the possibility of getting them. The possibility that things are going to change. I can’t wait.”

That one sentence about defining really resonated with me.
it sticks me in the heart and says “be true”.

xo

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