Flower Friday: Finding a way to ask for what you need

Yesterday, I ventured out & put an idea on display.  Sharing a desire to write more hand-written letters and have you join in on that process.  It seems like such a small thing but I will tell you, for me, it is huge.

Whenever you share a secret desire or intimate detail you run the risk of people not responding or even more challenging, thinking what you are doing is pointless.

Don’t let it stop with that fear.  Gently approach it.

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I wish I could tell you that you will always enjoy the growing process.

There are moments you may giggle with glee & dance around claiming the victory that is rightfully yours.  The one you ‘work’ really hard to get.

Other days, it’s a challenge.  You run for that favorite “superhero” necklace & put it on to give you some sense of safety.  Lighting that candle because seeing the flame comforts you. Anything to help make you feel like the journey is on the right course.

Both are ok.  They are all part of it.

I wrote todays post, yesterday (it went into a folder for another day). It was brave & plucky, then I woke up this morning and felt so opposite to that very thing.  For some reason, I felt nervous.

Then I put my finger on what it was.  I hand-delivered a “new” thing out there & got met with not much notice.  Not like the kind I hear about others having where they get praised all day long (comparison trap).  That discouraged me.

As I sit here,  I can’t help but think “What do they have, I don’t?”  The real answer is not a damn thing.  We both have our gifts, our ‘stumbly bits’, our journeys into an unknown future.

*the fact that I can even ask that question is complete joy to me.  Being brave enough to see that I have my gifts to offer the world & not letting the comparison trap suck me in (for too long anyway!).  That probably wouldn’t have happened a year ago. Score!*

Then it hit me.  ”WHY am I doing this?”

It is very clear.

1) I love to create & share, it’s where I find my most serene joy.

2) Encouraging others to live their most true is a fervant passion, I can’t imagine NOT doing it.

“Lightbulb Moment”: Ignoring me is not being true.  I don’t roll that way anymore.

*some of you might have wanted the plucky/fiesty post.  You may get one in the near future. I feel like I am building a foundation.  That doesn’t come fast unless you want a building that collapses at the first sign of stress. I also want to write real, so the people out there whose fears seem to rise up out of control, know that they aren’t alone. We all have them. Trust that.

Starting today I take a step into an exciting place.  I will be doing my “Moonlight & Moonstones” Project for the next 30 days.  I’m so stoked!  The idea of sharing a bit of artsy-magical-written goodness with people is SO GROOVY! (if you want to receive a written sparkle note in your mailbox, sign up via the sidebar by clicking on the “what is a sparkle note?” link)

Let me tell you something that might make it easier to ask for what you need:

We are all scared to put stuff out there at one point or another.  To appear vulnerable.  Usually, the more personal the bigger it feels.

Start with a deep breath. Then just trust YOU.  Share what you want; occasionally more just to get out of that ‘safe zone’.

-AND-

Realize this: Some peeps are gonna love you & ‘get it’.  Others will walk away. Either way, you are still awesome.  What you bring to this world fuckin’ rocks. Never doubt that.

When you need or just plain want something. ASK.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr Suess

My Grandpa is my hero

Today, I want to honor a person who was a source of quiet inspiration in my life. Obviously, I am very much a Gabby’s girl (meaning me & my grandmother have this amazing bond) but I did learn a lot from my grandpa.

He was a very strong & quiet man that was so loving to his family. In all the time I spent with my grandparents, I never saw him anything but steady & supportive. The best word to describe how my grandpa made me feel was: SAFE.  He was the one man in my life which I could depend.  Now at the time I had some not super good examples of manliness but my grandpa NEVER let me down.

One really strong memory I have of us was when I had failed geometry & needed to retake it the next trimester (or whatever you call it when you are in high school). So when I was in Maine visiting them ( did I mention he was a math teacher?) he took the time to teach me what theorems and proofs were.

Why do I mention this?  Well, it is one of the few times I had a man looking out for me (being the child of a single mom).  A man who showed me, he cares. My grandpa wanted to see me SUCCEED.  He spent weeks teaching me because my mind is so not mathmetically geared.  I loved when we would pull out the math book and sit at the table to work on proofs.  I still remember him smiling at me when I would “get it”. We shared a secret moment that was just for us. He helped me make sense of each math riddle. That is my most special memory.  He never lost his patience.  He had a gift for explaining & making sure that I felt comfortable with what I was learning.

I have a many more special memories like rowing around the lake, we love to row together & how he carried me on his shoulders when I was very little but that summer I got to know him more as the great man he was.

Shortly after that he was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and his mind made it hard for him to remember me.  There still were some moments when he would give me that same grin & my heart would soar.

I can’t quite put into words what it was like when he died because he was the best man I have ever known.

Why am I sharing this with you today?

It’s because you should really enjoy every minute with the people you love.

Look at them.  Bask in their personal brilliance.  It’s awesome.

PS.  My grandmother has agreed to be part of the “Love & A Photo” Journey so we are in for a real treat when she talks about her 54 yr marriage to my gramps.  Definitely planning something special for that.

**This is coming from a very deep place in my heart, peeps.  Please be supportive.  Thank you!

You have a “story” to tell. Just saying.

(Wrote this last week after a particularly tough day)

Today is the most drain-a-docious day in awhile.  Everytime I wanted to do something, my mind went into a different direction.  Instead of fighting it, I relaxed.

Went to my DVD player & put in a favorite movie of mine: “Lady In The Water” directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

This movie rocks my world in so many ways. Not because it is some visual masterpiece (even though the DP is as good as the come) or that it is fanstastic writing.  For me, it is about the STORY.

It is a tale about a ‘Narf’ who comes to bring magic back to a “tribe” of people who have lost their way.  There is a group of ragtag people who live in this apartment complex, these peeps are not living to their potential.  She guides them into their true selves.

After I switched off the movie, I thought:

How many of us are not living to our true selves.  Most of us live in a way that is safe & according to what people might tell us we are good at.  We get told that we do something well and suddenly that is what people expect of us.

Of course, at first it will go well because you are you (& give it your best try).  Over time though you see that ‘the path’ is not the right one.  In the movie, it comes when the main character Cleveland makes some assumptions based on outward appearances, and some pretty devastating events take place because people are not acting in their right path.

I’m not saying it is malicious either.  It isn’t.  Some people like boxes.  It is safe.

People need hope.  Without it you are just sort of drifting.  Notice when a person has lost their hope, it is like the flame of a candle that gets snuffed out.  When they find that hope again you see the spirit rise up & say, “Hey look at me, I’m here!” *When I say lost that is figurative, the spirit doesn’t go anywhere but your ability to listen is hampered.

Magic exists.  Not in the pull a rabbit out of a hat kind of way.  In the real & tangible miracle way.  Look around miracles are everywhere.  The ‘news’ would have you believe the world is heading to hell in a hand basket but I beg to differ. Look at this: a beautiful sunset, breathing in & out every moment, a friend who calls out of the blue to say,  ”i love you”, kindness to a stranger, love happening between two people.  That is ALL magic.  Open your eyes and let yourself enjoy the beauty around you.

I don’t just want to write a post trying to tell you how to feel or be.  That is totally in your hands. YOU alone have the ability to make changes in your life.  I do want to encourage you: “getting true” takes work.  You can’t just sit there and think “i’m free” thoughts and expect to get anywhere.  Each step you take though, will be the most complex & beautiful one.  You WILL NOT regret it in any way!

A few things to encourage you:

It doesn’t matter what “the crowd” is into, live YOU.  I know how tempting it is to try to fit in but that is so stinkin’ overrated.  If everyone is headed in one direction really weigh in with yourself & find out if that is really where you want to be.  If not, do YOUR thing. Remain true. If someone mocks or criticizes you for it.  That’s cool because *remember* neither one of you is right.  We all have different paths in life.

It takes time.  Don’t beat yourself up when you haven’t made changes in a week, a month, or in some cases a year.  Speed isn’t the point.  Being free, IS.  Relax about making it happen.  Change hardly ever sticks when we are bludgening our hearts with “shoulds”.

Lastly, it may be hard but that doesn’t mean “NO”.  So you make a decision and strike off on that path.  Only to find a few “closed doors”.  There will be some hard moments, don’t be shocked when they come.  Talk to some of the “greats” in your creative life path & I am sure they will say they too dealt with rejection, fear, doubt, stress, etc.  You are not alone in this.  It would serve you well to find a few peeps you can walk along with.  Not to mimic but to collaborate.  There is real strength in peeps teaming up together.

Short story= You need truth, hope & magic. Stay true. Listen. Always live YOU. Find peeps to walk with.

Right now I am thinking about….

So today my post is entitled, “Right now I am thinking about….”. The goal is simple, to share a few of the thoughts in my morning.  Then you add yours. See.  Easy Peasy.

Right now I am thinking about….

*How much I have been enjoying my ‘quiet days’, they have been filled with reading, relaxing, music, movies, cooking, journalling/writing.  Quite heavenly.

*How proud I am of a couple of friends (Leah, Connie) who are striking out into new adventures.  Being brave chicks & ‘rockin’ their dreams.

*That raspberries on my cereal this morning was the best thing since sliced bread.

* I like to wear cute & casual sundresses (even though I am so not a ‘dress’ girl!)

* Even though I work in movies, I still find them magical!

* I’m not really shy (I have perfectionist tendencies).  There is a difference.

* I like my clothes to be comfy & soft.

* I see the good in other people (and choose to focus on that).

* I swear when I am mad.  Why? Hmmmm.

YOUR TURN.  1, 2, 3, Go! *wink*

Being the new kid in school

Being stuck in a pattern is never fun.

Lately, with the start of this blog & other things that are going on in my life right now, I noticed that I am having huge amount of anxiety (along with the super exciting feelings of creating new stuff).

My anxiety shows itself by being what I call ” new kid in school syndrome”, you know that awkward feeling that comes up when you are new and everyone around you is staring & seems to be seeing all your vulnerabilities- (side note: Not to mention you are usually NOT wearing the coolest outfit that day).

So, I have this right now.  I am putting myself out there in some really new ways, and I am intimidated. Everywhere I look there seems to be someone who does it more eloquently or funnier or more creatively.  UH OH!   The comparison trap rears its head.

Yucky. The comparison trap (when I speak on this it will only be my thoughts, nothing guru here).  Now where does this come from? In my case, I notice it hits when I’m out of my comfort zone. I like the new. I’m all about the new. The new makes me feel good because it is all about creating & discovering. The “stuck” (as the ever amazing Havi calls it) happens when that voice in side tells me “I am not good enough” or “look around she/ he did it better than you did”.

I am on the path of dealing with the yuckies.  Exploring ways to walk this journey with gentleness & love towards myself.

Last night though, it hit me hard.  I found out some news that got heaped onto the already existing feelings I was trying to work through. So what did I do. Ran for food (funny coming from a skinny girl, i know, but we do it too). After eating tons of chips & ice cream, geez- I was a foodie on a warpath.

I sat down in my room and breathed in deep.  Then I listened.

What I heard broke my heart a little bit.  It was like a soft voice rose up and said to me “You are good enough, Melly.”

Then I slowly took myself through a little journey of my “stucks”.  The BIG monster one is “new kid in school”. It pushed its way to the front.

My stuck= I am surrounded by some creative powerhouses & I feel like I can’t keep up.

I would like to say that I spoke to my “stucks” and everything is fine & dandy. Nope. What did happen is I listened. Slowly and gently I will work on this stuff.  From a safe place.

One thing I think about as I write this is:

“Isn’t it funny it comes on the heels of telling people to do their own thing, who cares if its been done before, the world NEEDS their voice?”

**Whether you are dealing with “stucks” or skating along on your path, don’t forget. BE GENTLE with YOU.**

Day of Rest

When your body takes charge by bringing up an issue…you should listen.

I had a very interesting day trying to relax and ward off a migraine.  That left me feeling very drained and needing to just walk away from my writing for a bit.

I napped a bunch & drank lots of liquids.  One thing that can’t be ignored is how much our bodies take care of us and how we owe it to ourselves to do the same.

Today I leave you with this quote:

“If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred.”

~ Walt Whitman

It’s been done before. SO WHAT?

Picture this.

You have a good idea.

You think it is cool and original and want to share.

So you go asking around or searching for help on how to execute it.

Then the worst happens…

Someone else has done it before you!!!!

This happened to me about six months ago, I thought up this neat idea on a mini walkabout I was doing.  When I got home I was surfing the ‘net and reading some blogs, that is when I saw it…a link that took me to a blog written by a beautiful soul who had the same idea and executed it brilliantly.

Needless to say, I was crushed.  I thought to myself, ” Oh boy, now if I do it then people are going to think I was ‘ripping off” this person. That sucks.”  It discouraged me because I really liked the idea.

CUT TO:  TODAY (putting in a little of my movie flair *lol*)

Since then I have let that one go, that is when this lovely & perfect idea came to me. My ‘Love & A Photo’ Series.  It was kismet.  Now I am not saying that it hasn’t been done or I am reinventing the wheel. I’m not.  There have been about 1,000 people to do a similar thing.  Thing is, this is ME.

There is only one ME and only one YOU. So rock it out. Your peeps need you to share.

So let’s say you have an idea and it’s been done? Roll up your sleeves and get to it!

The world is desperate for you to make YOUR “voice” heard.

It is.

Being gentle in your journey

Here's a flower for YOU!

There are days when you will feel like you got hit with an emotional sledgehammer or that you can’t create anything worth sharing.  I am writing this post for those days.

First, Breathe. Pay attention to just that one moment.

Then before your mind lanches into a mini tirade (I know mine tends to do that) let yourself know it  is ok to feel what you are feeling- that nothing is wrong with having ‘a dump day’.

Dump days can be good because it causes you to be aware, to listen to what your heart or body is saying.

Listen.  Most of the time we rush through life, barely listening  to the people around us let alone ourSELVES.

This step is important so I will say it again:  LISTEN. (Note: don’t wrap a story around it though, the mind may want to do that.)

Hear.  The voices may scurry through your head faster than you can keep up. Let them. If they scurry out, say good riddance *sidebar- this is also a punk band from santa cruz, who knew!.  When you engage with the ‘wiggly thoughts’ move out of the personal and into the receiving mode. This part is tricky because our thoughts want to wrap a really mucky story around the feeling. It is ok to not believe all those ‘wiggly thoughts’ and to let them just exist until they go away.  Not everything has to be ‘taken on’.

Embrace.  This step is totally crucial. Do not skip it. It is all about who YOU are. The YOU that is so fantastic that the world would be lost without you. The YOU that offers something special and unique to the world. The YOU that is divine.  On dump days, you will be like, “Yeah right, I am not special, I got mad at a good friend or my house is a mess or my job sucks.” Those are stories. Outside of YOU.  Go back to the divine YOU. Please go there.  You will see the truth. It is beautiful, like YOU. (Now I am not just saying this to pump you up, it is true.  But even if I was, I am so not sorry because you deserve it! You are wonderful.)

Treat.  I like this one.  It comes from a place of being good to yourself. Being kind.  It can look a number of ways.  For me, I am all about pampering my body since I don’t do it enough.  I won’t put to much description here because I really do want to let you listen to your own voice.  What do YOU need?

Trust.  It may feel like this will never end.  That life is a big downer (even if just for today). It will and it isn’t (just a small reminder:  life is so not a downer…there will be tough days though.  that’s ok).  One of the big deals in life is that there is just no guarantee about anything.  No way of knowing that it will all end up great. So it takes a tremendous deal of courage to know that whatever happens, stuff passes.  Hurts. Pain. Happiness. Debt. Loss of a job. It is all temperal. It takes guts to live life OPEN. Don’t close, not ever.

Inspire. When you need a pick me up, and can’t find it in you (just yet!)  Take a visit to a few souls that share this journey with you.  Whether it be friends around you or maybe a ‘bloggy buddy’.  Life is about sharing and connecting even on the tough days. Don’t be afraid to get vulnerable. You are free to share.  The people around you will love that.  (I know I do.)  Let others love on you when you need it.

Short story= Tough days happen. You are awesome. A ROCKSTAR. Let yourself receive love.

A few places I go for inspiration in the ‘bloggy world’:

Dancing Mermaid

Jen Gray

Joy Rebel

Goddess Leonie

Christine Kane

Dancing Footprints Studio

Kids could teach us a thing or two

The other day I got to watching some kids playing at this park. I thought about how much life changes as we get older and more ‘wise’. I do think we definitely learn lessons along our life path that are very necessary, and yet I can’t help but wonder if we lose some of our magic to do it. You know, the stuff that is inside each one of us & the gifts we share with the world.

For me, there are many times where belonging becomes more important than listening to my own heart or I am afraid of shining so I put the ‘gifts’ I have to offer the world away (wouldn’t want another person to feel threatened with my strengths). It boggles my mind why we move into that way of living.  Instead of being free and giving the world our beauty, we shrink.

I’m pretty sure that we weren’t like that as kids.  We stayed more open and less tied to public opinion. It wasn’t all about cute clothes, being cool, or who had the most toys (at least not until we were taught that is how you behave!). As a kid, it is about fun. About the moment. Taking risks. Laughing a lot.

You can learn many lessons from kids ( I know this because ALL my friends have kids, so I’ve picked up a few things along the way from observing them).

FOR A KID:::

Life is more simple. They don’t try to project what they will be doing in five years or try to ‘find themselves’ through multiple classes or workshops.  They grow as they need to. Picking up lessons along the way not trying to rush to the ‘next phase’.

‘Toys’ are meant to be enjoyed not accumulated. Ever watch a kid play and how they enjoy just the toy they have.  Then when they get bored will simply drop that one and find another.  For the most part, there isn’t this manic desire to collect more than they can play with at a time.

Getting mad/sad/grumpy doesn’t last forever. They get mad. Scream. Have a fit. Whatever. Next thing you know they are giving hugs and playing, all is right with the world.  No grudges or messy stuff to ‘cling’ to.

Money is not everything. In fact, they have no concept of it. They don’t need it to find the pleasure in life.  It strips away many things when you stop living as though money is the answer to what plagues you. It isn’t.

Joy is all around them. Each day brings new things. Eating a fig for the first time. Walking. Learning how to read. Playing with Mom & Dad. Finding a catepillar. Meeting a new friend.  Snow (this one comes from experience, you haven’t lived until you have seen a kid play in the snow for the first time).

Being YOU is living, not achieving. Simply put it isn’t all about what you offer the world.  It is about YOU. Your essence.  That has nothing to do with outside stuff.

“Falls” happen.  Watch a kid take a tumble (then what happens? After the initial crying/laughter…which ever they choose in the moment) They don’t beat themselves up or stop trying.  Ever seen a little kid learn to walk for the first time?They are fearless!  It doesn’t occur to them that there is an option to ‘give up’.

Their love is unconditional. ‘Nuff said.

The world is constantly pushing.

Now is the time to ‘push’ back.

Don’t let outside stuff make your path.

YOU do it. Listen to your heart.

Go bravely forward knowing that the beauty that is inside you needs to come out.

That life is this wonderfully complex journey.

**When you need inspiration, have playtime with a kid.  Trust me, it works.**

enter my joy list

this post is spurred on by a terrifically amazing blogger, photographer and my ambassador of joy, Brandi. (she gets capital B because she kicks ass!)

Brandi has a blog called life is art which you should really take a peek at. it is a little slice of heaven. **she is also my doppelganger (she wants to be the crafty one, but i think she would find i would be the trickster!)

today she wrote a joy bomb post which lists a few of the things that make her joyful.

i wanted to follow suit. Off we go! Wheeeeee! (don’t you love when i act like i am 5 not 35- i can’t help it, gotta let the little girl out to play)

~supremely in love with all things nature. love sitting outdoors. taking walks. watching the world. nothing brings me back to center faster.

~my peeps: family, friends, bloggy pals, new acquaintances. i find joy in the connecting. learning about and being with people.

~not using any caps when i write- an absolute no capital rule!

~my new infatuation is jetskis. speed is good. wise speed.

~movies, making them and watching them.

~reading books

~drinking a nice glass of wine (preferably white since red gives me headaches)

~photo walks, although it has been awhile since i have partaken in this joy activity

~napping

~cooking

~trying new foods

~listening to- AND laughing out loud. the louder the better!

~watching ‘so you think you can dance’

~a smile

that is my list.
what is yours…?

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