overnight success.

i’ve been thinking about this concept for the past few days.

the idea of overnight success.

they try to sell it in the biz i am in.

hollywood would have you believe Brad Pitt

or Johnny Depp was found in the blink of an eye &

success came instantly.  not so, in fact, Brad in his OWN WORDS

has said, ” i had a 10 yr overnight success story.”

peeps, he worked for 10 yrs before he hit it huge.

that meant 10 yrs of small movies, 10 yrs of auditoning,

10 yrs of maybe having a second job, 10 yrs of doubting,

10 yrs of having to persist, 10 yrs of not taking “NO” for an

answer…

it has dawned on me that i had this story in my heart that people

around me achieved this kind of success where i floundered

and had to really work at where i am.  guess what?

that’s bullshit.  it’s an illusion.  i’m not saying it isn’t possible.

i’m sure there are a few stories out there where it truly is a miracle.

for most of us though, it isn’t, and it does a great disservice to everyone

when it is packaged like it is.  not because i wouldn’t cheer someone

on if it did.  i would and do.

more so, because others need to know just what it takes (behind the scenes) to

achieve their dreams.

that is isn’t for the feint of heart.

it takes guts.

it takes passion.

it takes being ok with asking for help.

it takes having days of “the blah’s” and eating ice cream instead of working/networking/etc.

it takes hanging in.

it takes gentleness.

it takes vision.

it takes staying true.

it takes knowing that no matter what you know that you matter (outside of what you do).

A while back , I asked an actor buddy how he dealt with all the rejection…he said something really great to me.

“For me, the stuff worth really having requires me to persist. It’s about staying true.  The chips are going to fall where they fall.  I can’t help that.  I do my best and then release the result.”

*i want to share my story of how i became a costumer.  that will be for another day.

dreaming.

This is my dreaming vision for april 2010. I decided to do a few this year, when the whim strikes.

reframing fear.

this post is inspired by a thought posed by Kate in ‘The Courageous Year”:

so this weekend had some pretty bleak moments in it.

not saying this to garner any sort of ‘feel-bad-for-me’ feelings.

more to preface what is going through my mind.

basically, i had a total crash. split wide open

and pour out the rawest emotions I have felt in a very long time.

you see, i don’t often share in my day to day life how i feel

because i feel fear of “being known”, that when someone knows me it

will make them leave.

this is an old story.

one that i am not into hanging on to anymore.  it plays out in my head

often, i used to think it was true.  now i think it is BS.

before you think that i am all rah-rah, i’m so great and everyone loves me;

that is so not the case either.

what IS happening is that i am seeing what’s true.

i have these thoughts.  they are fueled by fear.  fear wants to keep me safe.  fear is not bad but it can keep me stuck.  being true is the only way i want to live. i am free (which is on my wrist in my tattoo in case i forget!).  i want “new stories”. dropping the “old ones” seem scary because they feel a part of me.  they aren’t.  i am more than my stories.

I AM ME.

I guess I am saying…i’m letting myself off the hook.  Daily.  Knowing that even if the feelings don’t match up.

Here is what I want you to know from my heart to yours: At the end of the day, YOU MATTER.  Not what you do, or how perfect you are.

YOUR SOUL.

YOU.

xoxo

What am I thinking?

One thing…

Am I living my most true life?

This thought has been inspired by a few different things.

1) I have been involved in “the courageous year” course.  it is helping me challenge the limited way I have been viewing life.  you know, like i’m trapped.  part of me has been feeling like things happen to me and I have no choice in the matter.  that is an illusion. we all have choices.  you have to make them though.  consistently and not just when you “feel like it”.

2) I watch this show called “The Buried Life”, it is on MTV (yea, I know, MTV sucks major ass but trust me, it’s a great show.)  You have these four boys: Ben, Jonnie, Dave, and Duncan, each week they reveal to you another piece of their journey where they are trying to accomplish crossing a task off their ‘bucket list’.  The real gem of this whole thing though, is they ask a person “what is one thing you want to do before you die?” Then they help that person accomplish it.  I can’t explain it but this show brings up some intense feelings in my heart.  Like, why am I sitting here watching a show like this when I could be taking my own adventure.  Peeps, I was built for adventure. Always known that about me and yet, because I have listened to the peeps around me I didn’t trust that.  It was like I felt wrong for being interested in forging my own path.  I should want to have that steady job & live “right”.  I’m questioning that belief.

3) No more victim.  No more drama. No more hiding.  Seriously, time for that old life to be shed.  I can’t live there.  It might make zero sense to you if you have just entered my bloggy world * that is ok.  I know what I mean.  This is about MY journey.  MY heart.  MY truth.

4) Feel the fear, and keep to steppin‘.  My version of Kate’s words in her ebook: (“Courage is feeling the fear, and doing it anyway, transforming”).

5)  None of these thoughts are ‘new’; this is me on my path.  I used to think you got “fixed” and all would be well.  Now I think it is more like a marathon.  You have this long road ahead of you & it takes all the tools in your nap sack to make it to the finish line.  Lots of steps along the way.  Different stages.  New challenges. Peeps to help.   Exploring feelings.  A water station. Listening to music. Basking in your endurance. ‘Hitting the wall’. Snack bars for your belly.  Pushing through.  Life is like that.  At least that is what I think right now.  A process.

Thanks for listening.

embracing change.

“Every one of us is called upon, probably many

times to start a new life.  A frightening diagnosis,

a marriage, a move, a loss of a job…

And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and

absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make

good on a new shore.  To be hopeful, to embrace one

possibility after another– that is surely the basic

instinct…Crying out:  High Tide!

Time to move out into the glorious debris.  Time

to take this life for what it is.”

Barbara Kingsolver, High Tide in Tuscan

Celebrating *tiny* victories

If you know me, it’s not always the easiest for me to get all “braggy pants” since I have confidence issues (that is a work in progress. seems like this summer is when I got the great joy to start working through them).

I have to share this with you.  Not being very techie it was quite a miracle of sorts to work through the steps (sent to me by the lovely Brandi):

I created this button!

Can you believe it.  I’m giddy!

Today let’s celebrate the tiny victories and get braggy.

What tiny victory is happening in your world?

PS It’s not always about the big breakthroughs.  I’ve discovered these tiny victories can lead to some pretty magical stuff.

I’m taken in by the “little” wonders

Brandi posted about finding beauty this week. That got my photo loving side kickin’ in.

I’m *always* up for a fun photo adventure!

So I went on a mini walkabout after a rain & while it was still cool enough outside.

Journey with me (you can click on the photo to see the full-size version):

A funny thing happened while I was strolling around looking for neat things to capture.  I saw these 2 pine cones in one of my neighbors’ yard (she lives down the block a bit).  Being me, I wanted to make the shot more dynamic.  So I scooched down on my knees at the corner edge of the yard.

This particular neighbor is an older woman who I don’t know all that well.  I’m framing the shot & the next thing I know there is yelling from the house that I better get out of her yard or she’ll call the police.

At this point, I am trying to get up without falling in the muddy bit of yard beside me. I’m kinda nervous because I didn’t know if she already called them or not. When she came outside, I apologized and told her she had some pretty pine cones in her yard, and I was trying to get a cool shot for Brandi’s Beauty Mission.

I hoped to make her laugh but I think she just thought I was nuts!  Off I walked, a little embarrassed but I got my shot!

Moral of the Story: Ask before you lay down in some one’s yard to get a cool shot of a couple of pine cones!

Photo Diary: a few of my favorite things

Flower Friday: Finding a way to ask for what you need

Yesterday, I ventured out & put an idea on display.  Sharing a desire to write more hand-written letters and have you join in on that process.  It seems like such a small thing but I will tell you, for me, it is huge.

Whenever you share a secret desire or intimate detail you run the risk of people not responding or even more challenging, thinking what you are doing is pointless.

Don’t let it stop with that fear.  Gently approach it.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I wish I could tell you that you will always enjoy the growing process.

There are moments you may giggle with glee & dance around claiming the victory that is rightfully yours.  The one you ‘work’ really hard to get.

Other days, it’s a challenge.  You run for that favorite “superhero” necklace & put it on to give you some sense of safety.  Lighting that candle because seeing the flame comforts you. Anything to help make you feel like the journey is on the right course.

Both are ok.  They are all part of it.

I wrote todays post, yesterday (it went into a folder for another day). It was brave & plucky, then I woke up this morning and felt so opposite to that very thing.  For some reason, I felt nervous.

Then I put my finger on what it was.  I hand-delivered a “new” thing out there & got met with not much notice.  Not like the kind I hear about others having where they get praised all day long (comparison trap).  That discouraged me.

As I sit here,  I can’t help but think “What do they have, I don’t?”  The real answer is not a damn thing.  We both have our gifts, our ‘stumbly bits’, our journeys into an unknown future.

*the fact that I can even ask that question is complete joy to me.  Being brave enough to see that I have my gifts to offer the world & not letting the comparison trap suck me in (for too long anyway!).  That probably wouldn’t have happened a year ago. Score!*

Then it hit me.  ”WHY am I doing this?”

It is very clear.

1) I love to create & share, it’s where I find my most serene joy.

2) Encouraging others to live their most true is a fervant passion, I can’t imagine NOT doing it.

“Lightbulb Moment”: Ignoring me is not being true.  I don’t roll that way anymore.

*some of you might have wanted the plucky/fiesty post.  You may get one in the near future. I feel like I am building a foundation.  That doesn’t come fast unless you want a building that collapses at the first sign of stress. I also want to write real, so the people out there whose fears seem to rise up out of control, know that they aren’t alone. We all have them. Trust that.

Starting today I take a step into an exciting place.  I will be doing my “Moonlight & Moonstones” Project for the next 30 days.  I’m so stoked!  The idea of sharing a bit of artsy-magical-written goodness with people is SO GROOVY! (if you want to receive a written sparkle note in your mailbox, sign up via the sidebar by clicking on the “what is a sparkle note?” link)

Let me tell you something that might make it easier to ask for what you need:

We are all scared to put stuff out there at one point or another.  To appear vulnerable.  Usually, the more personal the bigger it feels.

Start with a deep breath. Then just trust YOU.  Share what you want; occasionally more just to get out of that ‘safe zone’.

-AND-

Realize this: Some peeps are gonna love you & ‘get it’.  Others will walk away. Either way, you are still awesome.  What you bring to this world fuckin’ rocks. Never doubt that.

When you need or just plain want something. ASK.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr Suess

5 Inspired TED talks (+ “moonlight & moonstones”)

Over the past year I have listened to many TED talks, here are a few of my favorites:

1) Elizabeth Gilbert on nurturing creativity

2) Tony Robbins asks Why we do what we do?

3) Lakshmi Pratury on the Art of Letter Writing

4) Laura Trice suggests we all say thank you

5) Carl Honore praises slowness

#3 holds a special place in my heart because I love to write letters & often don’t take the time to indulge in that desire.

I have had an idea percolating called “moonlight & moonstones” (how I came up with that name is a long story for another time).

The “moonlight & moonstones” mission goes like this:  I will write 1 ‘sparkle’ note a day for the next 30 days.  My own contribution to enjoying the art of putting pen to paper.

Here’s my request.  I’d like to connect & share this with YOU!  Please email me using the contact form below with your personal address. Then I will send a special, magical note to your mailbox sometime in the next 30 days.

(Don’t be nervous, I will not share it with anyone or use it for evil or dasterdly plans *LOL*  Merely share a little sparkle juju.  If any of you are wondering why I am doing this, it is simple.  I’m living my dreams instead of just thinking about them.)

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