Being the new kid in school

Being stuck in a pattern is never fun.

Lately, with the start of this blog & other things that are going on in my life right now, I noticed that I am having huge amount of anxiety (along with the super exciting feelings of creating new stuff).

My anxiety shows itself by being what I call ” new kid in school syndrome”, you know that awkward feeling that comes up when you are new and everyone around you is staring & seems to be seeing all your vulnerabilities- (side note: Not to mention you are usually NOT wearing the coolest outfit that day).

So, I have this right now.  I am putting myself out there in some really new ways, and I am intimidated. Everywhere I look there seems to be someone who does it more eloquently or funnier or more creatively.  UH OH!   The comparison trap rears its head.

Yucky. The comparison trap (when I speak on this it will only be my thoughts, nothing guru here).  Now where does this come from? In my case, I notice it hits when I’m out of my comfort zone. I like the new. I’m all about the new. The new makes me feel good because it is all about creating & discovering. The “stuck” (as the ever amazing Havi calls it) happens when that voice in side tells me “I am not good enough” or “look around she/ he did it better than you did”.

I am on the path of dealing with the yuckies.  Exploring ways to walk this journey with gentleness & love towards myself.

Last night though, it hit me hard.  I found out some news that got heaped onto the already existing feelings I was trying to work through. So what did I do. Ran for food (funny coming from a skinny girl, i know, but we do it too). After eating tons of chips & ice cream, geez- I was a foodie on a warpath.

I sat down in my room and breathed in deep.  Then I listened.

What I heard broke my heart a little bit.  It was like a soft voice rose up and said to me “You are good enough, Melly.”

Then I slowly took myself through a little journey of my “stucks”.  The BIG monster one is “new kid in school”. It pushed its way to the front.

My stuck= I am surrounded by some creative powerhouses & I feel like I can’t keep up.

I would like to say that I spoke to my “stucks” and everything is fine & dandy. Nope. What did happen is I listened. Slowly and gently I will work on this stuff.  From a safe place.

One thing I think about as I write this is:

“Isn’t it funny it comes on the heels of telling people to do their own thing, who cares if its been done before, the world NEEDS their voice?”

**Whether you are dealing with “stucks” or skating along on your path, don’t forget. BE GENTLE with YOU.**